Holy Doubt

The basement of St. Mark’s coffee house was filled with Holy Doubt tonight.

We were reading from Acts, 1 John and John.

But it was John 15:16 that set the Spirit free and the debate poured out and flooded the basement. Here’s the Scripture that set off the debate about prayer, whether it works and why we pray: “...the Father will give you whatever you ask him in my name.”

This promise of God granting our prayers occurs again and again in the Gospels.

“If you abide in me, and my words abide in you, ask for whatever you wish, and it will be done for you.” - John 15:7

“If in my name you ask me for anything, I will do it.” - John 14:14

And so on. You can look up the others on your own, I’m sure.

One woman spoke of her mother dying of cancer. One man spoke of runaway children not returning. One spoke of fear that doesn't go away. And I could not help but think of my Mother’s suicide. All spoke of prayer and prayers not answered.

Yet, we all still pray though no one thought it quite worked like Jesus promised it would. But what did he promise? Is Jesus a liar? Deluded? Mistaken? No one thought any of those things either. But what then?

I am sure that there are lots of clever explanations for the dichotomy between what Jesus pretty clearly promises on a multitude of occasions, and what He actually appears to deliver. Is it a dichotomy? Were the cancer, suicide, fear, and runaway child God’s will? If not, whose was it?

Still, we pray. We even prayed at the end of BYOB Bible Study. We asked for things to be done, be undone, to happen or not happen.

Did Jesus mean God is a cosmic Santa Claus? That God is just an extra special episode of “I Dream Of Jeannie?”

Or does He only answers prayers that are good for you or accord with his will as 1 John 5:14-15 seems to suggest:

“And this is the boldness we have in him, that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. And if we know that he hears us in whatever we ask, we know that we have obtained the requests made of him.”

So if I pray what He wants me to pray He'll give me what He wanted to give me in the first place. If so, what's the point? Does this mean when someone asks Him to cure their cancer and He doesn’t, it’s because this is not in accord with His will? That’s just mean. Isn’t it?

So why do we pray anyway? Despite it all?

I think because not praying is unthinkable. Because in praying we seek to understand. Because prayer is hope manifested. And I think that no matter what we pray we are always asking the same thing: show me that I am, am loved, and am safe.

Whether you want your cancer cured or a Mercedes-Benz, it’s really all the same prayer isn’t it?

Namaste.

Three Prayers

I've been trying to pray. There are many things that I am pretty good at, prayer is presently not one of them. I only have three:

1) Fix This, Amen.

2) Save The World, In Your Mercy

3) Jesus, WTF?

This is not a very wide range of original thinking. Sometimes silence works as a prayer but I get squirmy.

I think I need to be in a prayer cover band for a while. Learn some traditional licks before branching off on my own.

If anyone has any ideas for a playlist, let me know.

Namaste.

call me

I have been working on a hymn. Yes, really.

The music is a work in progress but the lyrics are much further along and I thought I'd share them.

My liberal sampling from psalms is no doubt obvious.

Call me and I will come to you, so saith the lord

I burn like a furnace and my days pass like smoke
All of my sorrows have led me here
I have words for my blog, but none for prayers
I cannot find the courage to ask

Ask why the lord receives our prayers
And you might well ask why we breathe
The lord knows our desires yet he waits to hear
For we are forever changing our hearts

Call me and I will come to you, so saith the lord

The fall was short and the winter is long
Summer herself is far away with her flowers
Desires and needs are often confused, still
Incline your ear to me and answer speedily

I am destitute please do not despise my prayer
There is nothing to say that the lord has not already heard
And yet amazingly he answers all who call
The earth is the Lord's and all that is in it

Call me and I will come to you, so saith the lord

My prayer is pure even though it is filled with deceit
I hide myself from you in times of trouble
And in times of wealth I do not call on you, still
Incline your ear to me and answer speedily

I am destitute please do not despise my prayer
There is nothing to say that the lord has not already heard
And yet amazingly he answers all who call
The earth is the Lord's and all that is in it

Call me and I will come to you, so saith the lord
(The earth is the Lord's and all that is in it)

Call me and I will come to you, so saith the lord
(The earth is the Lord's and all that is in it)




The photo was taken in House For All Sinners And Saints

Namaste.

Talking About Prayer

Nadia and I had coffee this evening before bible study and kicked it around with a few notable digressions.

It may be that prayer is indefinable. Unexplainable. True without being a fact. As we like to say in the law, absence of evidence is not evidence of absence. Causality may be overrated.

It is pretty easy to agree on what prayer is not - God doesn't appear to grant intercessory prayers based on sheer numbers that much seems obvious. You can't gang up on God or stuff the ballot box. Sometimes prayer seems to work and you hope its not just the law of large numbers in operation. Probably praying for negative things doesn't work - all the people I wished dead seem to be alive and well and still mucking things up for the rest of us.

But there is something when a group prays. I see that every Tuesday night at bible study. Irreverence is put aside. Heads are bowed. Sarcastic lutherans turn pious. And something happens. Something undeniable. I know that God hears these prayers - the sense of presence is palpable. Holiness. The unfolding mystery is about what she does with them...and I'm hoping she does something useful, positive and good. Regardless, prayer is good for me - and changes me.

I didn't expect that Nadia would have all the answers, and she didn't, but I she fully understood the mystery of prayer.

And, for tonight, that was enough.

Namaste.

Thinking About Prayer Again

Last week I had a trial in federal court, and we won.

Now, I prayed for various things in the course of that trial including winning. Which I prayed I wouldn't do but I did. I admit it. I said "God please help us do our best. And if we do our best, please let the jury believe us and not them so that we win." Or something like that. I only prayed the first part but my heart meant the whole thing.

Now I always hate it when football players run into the end zone and point up to the sky thanking god as if god wants to cover the spread but here I was doing the same thing in a court of law. If god doesn't referee football games how can I expect that He makes any calls in court? If he does make calls based on prayers then does objective knowledge, justice and right or wrong matter? Or...maybe god just helps the side that should win, actually win. I guess in football "the side that should win" is a little murkier than in court. But hey its pretty murky in court most of the time too. The "right side" is often a matter of perspective. And its amazing how often the guys I think are the good guys actually lose...

So, how in the world does this prayer thing work? Seriously. How? Anybody?

I'm gonna have to pray about this.

Namaste.

Photo from one for the road
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Today I Am ... Mystified

I am mystified, petrified, deified. I see bad things on TV. Bombs in Gaza. Football player down with a spinal injury. Unemployment statistics.

It used to be I'd say "where's god?"

Now I just pray.

And I don't expect God to do anything either. I don't know what I expect. But that's more than different from when I used to argue that it was nuts for people to pray. God obviously wasn't paying attention at all. But now I think she is paying very close attention indeed.

Prayers mean something. But like many poems, the meanings don't become clear for a long, long time. And what they mean can change over time. Sometimes the poet himself is the least likely of all to understand his own poem.

Ditto for prayer.

Namaste.

PS: Skiing this weekend with Andrew, Charlotte, Brad, Ethan, and Becky. Family is a darn good thing!